Written by: Dr. Mohita Shrivastava, Expert Contributor
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Do you often hear phrases like, “It’s your fault,” “Stop exaggerating,” “You’re always so defensive,” “Can’t you take a joke?” or even “You’re selfish and mean” from your spouse, partner, family, or colleagues? If yes, you might be a victim of gaslighting—a subtle but damaging form of emotional abuse.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where one person or a group makes you question your thoughts, emotions, judgement, perception, and even your memories. Its goal? To erode your confidence, distort your sense of reality, and control your narrative, leaving you doubting your own worth and identity. Gaslighters use several manipulative techniques to achieve this. Let’s understand these tactics and, most importantly, learn how to regain your power.
Recognising Gaslighting Techniques
Trivialising Your Emotions: Gaslighters downplay your feelings, labelling them insignificant, and accuse you of overreacting.
Countering Your Perception: They challenge your memory, deny past events, create new details, or twist the story to make you feel at fault.
Withholding Communication: By avoiding discussions or refusing to acknowledge your concerns, they make you feel confused or isolated.
Blocking or Diverting the Issue: When confronted, they change the topic, accuse you of inventing issues, or blame you for creating drama.
Denying or Forgetting: If you bring up specific incidents, they claim to forget, deny it ever happened, or dismiss you entirely.
Discrediting Your Validity: They suggest you’re easily confused, overly sensitive, or prone to making things up, further undermining your credibility.
How to Take Back Control from Gaslighters
Acknowledge Your Reality: Reflect on your feelings and experiences. Trust your own perceptions rather than trying to decode or validate the gaslighter's behaviour.
Respond Assertively: Use confident statements like:
“I know exactly what I experienced.”
“If your feelings matter, so do mine.”
“I’ve heard your view, but I don’t agree.”
“This is my life, and I’ll decide what’s best for me.”
Reinforce Your Self-Worth: Maintain your confidence with positive affirmations, like: “I am in control of my life,” or “My emotions are valid.”
Prioritise Self-Care: Engage in hobbies, spend time doing what you love, groom yourself, and explore relaxation techniques to nurture your well-being.
Seek Trusted Support: Share your experiences with people you trust. Their impartial insights can provide clarity and counter any feelings of confusion or self-doubt.
Document Your Interactions: Keep a record of conversations, messages, and incidents. Screenshots, notes, or recordings can serve as evidence when the gaslighter denies events.
Seek Professional Help: If the abuse escalates, consider involving mental health professionals, legal advisors, or local support organisations.
Gaslighting may have been Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year for 2022, but let’s resolve never to let it define our lives. Step into 2024 with resilience, clarity, and the determination to reclaim your identity. As a business owner, you play a vital role in fostering a healthy and supportive environment for your team. Recognising the signs of gaslighting and addressing them can empower you to create a workplace rooted in trust, respect, and mental well-being. Let’s lead with empathy and clarity for a brighter, more confident future.
About the Author
Dr. Mohita Shrivastava is an award-winning internationally trained neuroscientist and neuropsychologist, she is the founder of the Cognitome Program. Dr. Shrivastava holds a Ph.D. in Neuroscience from AIIMS, New Delhi, India & completed her collaborative Ph.D. research training from Kansas University Medical Centre, Kansas, USA. She holds two master’s degrees, one in Biomedical Sciences from University of Delhi and other in Applied Clinical Psychology from Annamalai University. She also holds an Advanced PG Diploma in Applied Neuropsychology from University of Bristol, United Kingdom. She has also completed a refresher skill enhancement training on "fMRI in Neuroscience Research'' organised by MGH Athinuola Martino's Centre for Brain Imaging in collaboration with Harvard University, MIT, Massachusetts, Boston, USA in 2021.
She has been involved in neuroscience and neuropsychology teaching, research, projects & outreach, cognitive skills restructuring/training and brain, mind & behaviour, guidance, counselling for more than 12 years. She has also published various research & review articles in international peer reviewed journals.
For more information visit: https://cognitomeprogram.me/
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