Do Women in Menopause Have More Negative Thoughts?
- Calmfidence Council
- Jan 26
- 4 min read
Updated: 9 hours ago
“Why am I suddenly seeing the glass half empty?”
A client asked me this, almost embarrassed by the question.
“I’m postmenopausal. I’m capable. I’ve built something meaningful.
From the outside, everything works. So why does my inner world feel darker, harsher, less like me?
Why do I wake up braced for problems that are not even there?”
This question comes up again and again with high-achieving women in menopause and postmenopause. Not because they are failing. But because this life stage removes buffers that once made pressure tolerable.
Many women report a rise in negative, anxious, or pessimistic thinking during the menopause transition, particularly in perimenopause (the years leading up to the final period).
Research suggests this phase can be a time of increased vulnerability to depressive symptoms and anxiety, although it does not happen to everyone, and severity varies widely.
A useful way to frame it is this: menopause does not “create” a new personality. It can lower the brain’s margin of tolerance so that worry, rumination, irritability, and low mood become easier to trigger and harder to shake off, especially when sleep and stress are in the mix.
The woman others once leaned on
Anna M. is self-employed, early fifties, and runs a respected Pilates studio in Berlin.
For years she has been known as the inspiring one.
Clients describe her as motivating, steady, encouraging. Staff trust her. Her reputation is built on presence and professionalism.
Yet she tells me:
“I don’t recognise my inner voice anymore.
I’m seeing the glass half empty.
I notice anger.
I hear how harshly I criticise my family, my team, and myself.
And then I feel ashamed of that too.”
What unsettles her most is not the fatigue.
It is the contrast with who she has always been.
What is actually changing in postmenopause
Postmenopause is often described as “hormones settling down”.
They do. But at a lower baseline, and that matters for the mind.
Oestrogen previously supported:
◉ emotional regulation
◉ stress recovery
◉ cognitive flexibility
◉ tolerance for uncertainty
When this support reduces, the nervous system can become more vigilant. Thoughts tilt towards risk, error, and threat. Irritability rises. Patience shortens.
This is not pessimism, but a system working harder with fewer internal resources.
As menopause researcher Pauline Maki has repeatedly shown in her work, the menopause transition can increase vulnerability to mood and cognitive symptoms even in psychologically healthy women. The brain is not broken. It is adapting under altered neurobiological conditions.
Read also our free resources on Women’s Health next.
Why anger and criticism often appear
Many women are alarmed by flashes of anger or sharpness they do not identify with.
From a nervous system perspective, anger is often mobilised energy. It appears when tolerance drops but responsibility remains high.
For high-achieving women, this energy often turns into:
◉ snapping at loved ones
◉ intolerance of mistakes at work
◉ severe self-criticism
◉ moralising exhaustion as “standards”
Psychiatrist Ellen W. Freeman, whose research is widely cited, has noted that depressive and anxious symptoms during menopause frequently include irritability and negative thinking, not just low mood. Women often misread this as a personality change rather than a transitional state.
Anna’s anger is not evidence of who she is becoming, but an evidence of capacity being exceeded.
The identity rupture beneath the thoughts
Menopause is not only biological.
It is an identity transition, especially for women whose sense of self has been organised around competence and contribution.
Many high-achieving women have unconsciously lived by:
◉ “I cope.”
◉ “I hold things together.”
◉ “Others rely on me.”
Postmenopause introduces a radical question:
Am I still safe when effort costs more?
Negative thinking often intensifies when the old identity keeps trying to run the system, despite changed conditions.
The mind becomes critical because it is trying to restore control.
It is not all of you. It is a protective part.
From an inside-out self-leadership lens, what takes over in moments of sharpness or pessimism is rarely the Core Self.
It is a protective part whose job is to prevent loss, failure, or disapproval.
This part sounds like:
◉ “You should be better than this.”
◉ “Don’t let standards slip.”
◉ “You can’t afford to soften.”
Its intention is protection.
Its impact is disconnection.
Without inner leadership, this part drives the tone of thoughts and relationships.
Why “positive thinking” does not work here
High-achieving women often try to correct the mind:
◉ reframing thoughts
◉ pushing gratitude
◉ disciplining emotions
This can backfire.
As clinical psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett explains in her work on constructed emotion, emotions and thoughts are shaped by bodily state and context. When the system is depleted, forcing cognitive optimism often increases internal conflict.
Menopause requires integration, not correction.
The role of inner work in postmenopause
Inner work at this stage is not self-analysis. It is self-leadership.
It means:
◉ recognising which part is speaking
◉ restoring internal safety so tone softens naturally
◉ updating identity from effort-based worth to embodied authority
◉ allowing the Inner Captain to return to the helm
This is what “return to Core Self” actually means in practice.
You stay aware, centred, and in control.
What begins to change for women like Anna
When Anna stopped trying to “fix” her thoughts and instead learned to notice who was running the system, something shifted.
Her anger lost its edge.
Her criticism softened.
Her standards became discerning rather than punitive.
She adjusted her workload without collapsing her identity.
She spoke to her team with clarity instead of tension.
She recognised fatigue as information, not failure.
Not less ambition.
More congruence.
A calmfident approach for high-achieving women
Seeing the glass half empty is not a moral failing, but a signal that the nervous system is asking for a different kind of leadership.
Menopause does not end your authority.
It asks you to source it from somewhere deeper.
Calmfidence is not the absence of sharp thoughts or strong emotions.
It is having choices when they show up.
A place to pause.
Without losing your edge.
Want to Cultivate Calmfidence?
Join other women exploring midlife reinvention and SIGN UP for The Calmfidence Circle — a space for calm power, shared wisdom, for deeper reflection and ongoing support.
Comments